Dick Wulf's Tongue-in-Cheek Newsletter to Improve Relationships
slightly off-the-wall BUT better than graffiti

The Moving Aside & Cheering On Issue
© August 2001, Dick Wulf, Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA

To cheer or to be cheered, that is the question. The answer depends on how good a friend you want to be.

PLEASE NOTE: This is supposed to be humorous so we can look at ourselves and have fun. We are all of us a bit off the mark. We can cry about it or have fun and laugh at ourselves. Laughing at ourselves and not taking ourselves too seriouosly allows us to view ourselves just seriously enough to change, but not so seriously as to inhibit our improvement by condemnation or defensiveness.

CHEER UP!   NO, NOT YOU.   I MEAN, CHEER UP SOMEONE ELSE

People do lots better when others stop doing their thing for a little while to cheer them on. Like - it is liked a lot! Like - they know you're a real friend. You're on their side. And, know what? They grow in their caring about those someones who are rooting for them.

Ya gotta admit I'm right! Look at the animal kingdom. Remember when we were in Africa watching those lions hunt and you remarked that women's liberation hadn't gotten to Africanus Lionous? Remember the King of Beasts? Just laying around in his chaise lounge watching the women work? So, we too, watched those sleek lionesses. Remember how they were each doing their own thing? I mean, together - hunting together but each coming in at a different angle? Right! At the end, when the gazelle broke and ran and one of the girls took off after it? It was her moment -- and the other ladies recognized it. So, what'd they do? Yea. Remember, they stood up on their hind feet and waved pompoms and cheered on the one who was rounding up dinner. I mean, if those gals lived in your house or mine, it would be party time whenever one of them went to the supermarket!

Spiders do it! (No! I'm not referring to what you're thinking.) Whenever a spider catches a fly, all its neighbors strum up a song on their webs. (Bet you didn't know that.) Chipmunks do it! (Stop, thinking about that -- I'm talking about a different kind of "do it". Okay?) Whenever one chipmunk scores (there you go again -- you know, women readers are probably still on track here). As I was saying before you guys so rudely misinterpreted - whenever a chipmunk finds a really big nut (or pop tart), other chipmunks line up on a nearby log. Guess what they do? The WAVE. Yep! The Wave.

So, why is it that Homo Sapiens (species) is so reluctant to cheer one another on to success in daily life? Right! Because we have won the "Most Selfish Creature Award" ever since our arch competitor, the T-Rex, was eliminated. And, in the Intra-Species Competition, Homo Sapiens (species) Americanus (subspecies) usually wins the "Obnoxiously Most Ego-Trapped Award". But, only when the sub-subspecies Americanus Poor-Self-Image-I-Don't-Count is exempted from competition. PSI-IDCs usually think of others and cheer them on, but they are disqualified because they can't cheer themselves on as well. No balance. Sad.

Imagine if these were your typical, soon-to-be endangered lionesses. Myrtle gets up, stretches her haunches, and says, "I think I'll go and see what we can have for dinner today." "What do you want to do that for?!" "Is this another one of your stupid ideas?" "Uh, huh." Nope. They wouldn't do that. They'd say, "Go, Girl!" You know they would.

Aren't you tired of the dumb beasts being smarter than us? Let's fight our way back out of the paper bag. The first step in problem-solving is to analyze the problem. So, why do we not really root one another on? Why to we rain on each other's parade? Throw water on each other's fire. Act like one another's enemy rather than friend. So, why do we do that?

"I don't know!"

I told you -- selfishness. As soon as somebody says he or she wants to do something new, the whatchmacallit in our frontal lobe triggers off an alarm and we begin thinking self-preservation thoughts. "How will it hurt me if she/he wants to do that?" "It can't be good -- I didn't think of it." "Whatever it is, it'll cost me or get in the way of what I want." "Here we go again!"

Maybe we're not the highest-level living organism on the planet. At times, definitely not the highest-functioning.

AND THE POINT IS . . . .

Either we are for people we are close to, or we are against them. There is no neutral ground. If it is a relationship that should be close (spouse, friend, parent, child, etc.), even silence is rejection. You either cheer a person on ....................................or you don't!

Most people know how to braid a goldfish's tail better than to cheer a friend on. Maybe people think that cheering someone on is just for children and sports teams. There are doggone too few people who know how to sustain people in their difficult goals, all the way until they accomplish them. Problem is that is not the American dream of quick and easy.

Deeper relationships thrive when people are excited for one another's efforts. Notice how two close friends who seldom see one another want to know what each other is up to and are very excited in cheering for one another.

Hopefully, no one reading this newsletter is more aware of their belly-button lint than the hopes and dreams, struggles and challenges of their spouse, friends and children (grown or growing). Yet, there are so many people who cannot think of anything but their own needs and are often letting their loved ones down.

Something wonderful awaits us when we can get our eyes off of ourselves — if we just don't fall asleep. Look at what others are doing or trying to do. And don't get all jacked up about it. Prove to the world that you are able to cheer others on. Help them see you are not just a self-centered bloke or blokeena, too insecure to enjoy the accomplishments of others.

Get used to asking, "Whatcha up to?" and saying, "I'm with you!" ("Whazzzzup? Yea!" is marginal, but it will have to do for you Very Cool Ones.)

Let the other person drive for a while. Buckle up, cheer him or her on, and enjoy the ride.

The new Let-Me-See-Um Microscope developed in 2001 by Sneak-a-Peek Optics, Inc. doubles the power of any existing high-magnification instrument on the market. Scientists were delighted to view a water molecule up close and personal .

"This changes everything!" remarked Hiram Whistlestopper after the scientists actually saw the working dynamics of water for the first time. "The two oxygen atoms were actually cheering on the hydrogen atom. That is the real secret for bonding in the H₂O molecule."

CLASSIFIEDS

LIME LITE  Only 3.83 calories. Goes down smooth. Only a touch of lemon. Get your own. Don't steal someone else's Lime Lite. Give some to your friends. Everybody needs some Lime Lite. Available where good things are sold.

BOOSTER CHAIRS  For kids of all ages. Get them up where the spotlight shines.

CELEBRATIONS  Designed for all kinds of victories, accomplishments, special days and special people.

FRONTAL RADAR  Helps you get behind people without stepping on their heels.

SIDE STEP  Dance the Side Step, the original step aside dance for giving your partner a great time. Gets you out of the way and others on Center Stage.

HOT, CHART-TOPPING SONG  "It's Not All About Me", the hit single popular with at least three people per county. Help spread this counter-cultural message. Get in on the beginning of the Relationship Revolution.

CLAPPING INSTRUCTION MANUAL  332 styles, 156 rhythms. Show you support and care.

REVERSE SPOTLIGHT  Double beam can even light up two other people. Put others in the spotlight.

SHIRT SLOP  Spill a little on your top apparel and people will look at others instead.

PERSONALS

He's kept me barefoot and pregnant for too long. (Actually, I like to wear shoes and feel good in the morning.) So, I'll trade his good looks for some ugly guy who would want me to have a few – just a few – of the things I want. Call me soon. I've got to get away from Mr. Control Freak.

I got it, Sweetums! Please come back. I've been a selfish pig. You can play dominoes with the guys on Tuesday nights. I've learned to also play your tune.

IN THE NEWS

LOCAL TOWN RECEIVES DISTINCTION FROM AFAR

CAVIAR, ALASKA

"It was quite a surprise," remarked the mayor of this little Alaskan village. We don't get much foreign mail up here. It was the Buzz of the Week – that letter we received from the mayor of Contrary, Missouri. Some people have asked me, ‘Where's Missouri?' I tell them it's below Canada someplace. I'm not sure myself. Anyway, it was nice of those folks to send us that letter."

The letter is shown below.

We called and spoke to the Assistant Mayor of Contrary, Missouri, Ms. Swanson, and asked her what act of kindness to the Zottlebangers the folks of Caviar had done. "Oh, not to them! To us!" was the reply.

We grew suspicious when asked by Ms. Swanson if the fish have left yet. (See Issue titled All-Weather, All-Terrain Friend.)