Dick Wulf's Tongue-in-Cheek Newsletter to Improve Relationships
slightly off-the-wall BUT better than graffiti

The Is It Okay to Be Me? Issue
© April 2001, Dick Wulf, Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA

Well, doggone it. If you aren't going to be you, who's gonna do it? Come on, you can do it!

NOTE: This is supposed to be humorous so we can look at ourselves and have fun. We are all of us a bit off the mark. We can cry about it or have fun and laugh at ourselves. Laughing at ourselves and not taking ourselves too seriouosly allows us to view ourselves just seriously enough to change, but not so seriously as to inhibit our improvement by condemnation or defensiveness.

News Bulletin: VALLEY OF LOST QUALITIES FOUND IN WASTELAND OF NEVADA

Two college kids on their way to Florida from New York City took a wrong turn and ended up in an area of Nevada rarely visited. There they discovered a wealth of lost qualities, among them such things as pleasant greetings, admiration of very different qualities, superior willingness to be helpful, and time for one another.

Experts in Anthropology and Paleontology at Eastern Nevada State University think these might be qualities from the Courtship Age, maybe even as late as the Early Marriage Era.

BE THE BEST "YOU" YOU CAN BE, OKAY?

So, you want to be the real you, huh? The YOU that has lots of things to offer the world? And you read last month's "How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot" issue. You don't want to be so stupid as to try to be something you aren't. But that opens up the whole can of worms about who you are.

You see, the distinct value of being yourself, and liking it, is that being YOU is the only thing you can really do well.

Just think if you had to be somebody else? How could you do it? You don't have their history. Nor their strengths and weaknesses. And, you don't have their mistakes to live with.

Think of it! You would have a better chance to be Bugs Bunny than you would have of being me. Everything about Bugs is drawn and written down someplace. My life still has mysteries I haven't solved. So, be Bugs, if you have to. But, don't try to be me. Forgetaboutit!

Do you realize that while you are wasting your time trying to be somebody else, somebody else is ruining their life trying to be like you? What a tragedy!

Hey! Listen up! You GOTTA be YOU. Nobody else can do it. The part must be played. [Are you hearing this? Huh?]

Lemme tell ya, the world needs you. Maybe you don't know where you are needed. Maybe you don't even know the good you have to offer.

Ever notice how some people really like a person and other people don't? How come? It's the fit! Like jigsaw puzzles, we fit together, but not with everybody. That's good! What would you do with 10,000 friends anyway? Fail as a friend, that's what.

You need some good parts and some parts of yourself not so good. That way you won't attract too many people. Then you can do a good job as a friend to the few people who like your strengths and can handle your weaknesses.

I never could figure out those polygamy schemes. (They gave rise to MLM. Bet you didn't know that!) I have enough trouble just keeping my head above water trying to be there for Jean. Those Mormons were NUTS. I can just hear it. A buddy asks if I can go fishing. "No, sorry, I have too many 'honey do lists'. Besides, I'm physically worn out ." (Know what I am referring to???)

So, you want a few really good things about you. Find out what yours are -- and run with it, Baby!

Don't even try to be good at everything. What a waste of time! Anyway, you couldn't do it - even on your birthday. Nobody's perfect, and nobody's going to be able to be good at everything. Those who look like they are good at everything, are also very good at not being open and honest about themselves. Meaning, that they are hiding the nasties. (Perhaps, under their arm pits.)

And if you want to do everything well so that you don't have to ask other people into your life, so you don't have to impose on anyone -- big mistake. Why, if you don't need other people, you just about take out of life anything worth having.

We have traded relationships with people for television, computers and video games. Or gambling. Or just about any activity other than being in life with other people. Stop trying to be a machine. Get in touch with your inner human.

Throughout history, needs brought people together. People needed each other to keep from dying. They needed family. They needed friends. And it wasn't just for going down to the sports bar or to get some job done at church.

You and I need people. The kind that fit in with us. The kind who can enjoy us. And correct us when we are wrong. And encourage us when we are scared. And . . . a ton of other things.

But they need us also. The real us. The US that has some good qualities, but still makes mistakes. The US that needs them too.

Okay, be honest. When you don't want to be yourself, is it that you don't want to believe in yourself and go out there and be a blessing to others from your strengths? Well, double-phooey!

Do you think of all the things you aren't or can't do? Some friend you will be if you focus on what you don't have to offer. Bah. Humbug! (Oops, wrong time of year.)

Your friends see the good stuff under your skin. When they are with you, they want that stuff to be there for them. If they say that you are a caring person, you probably are. If more than one friend says it, you can bet your firstborn (or your beer money) that you have an ability to care that isn't found in just any old pool hall or at the usual Pampered Chef party.

When you know your strengths, take them out, clean them up, and (you got it!) USE THEM.

Some of you have taken the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. I have scored it myself. (And, if you haven't taken it, why aren't you on the phone right now making an appointment with me to take it?) Each of the 16 personality types have a lot to offer the world. None of those personalities are bankrupt.

So, get out again the material I gave you and study it this time. It will tell you what you should value about yourself. Forget wanting to be a beauty queen or macho man -- and get real.

Perhaps you are thinking this "Just Gotta Be Me" stuff is just an excuse to stay the way you are and hang on to all of your nasty habits. You like to say, "That's just the way I am." It's your very best way to avoid someone who is suggesting you can be something better. Well, spit on your foot! That's not the point at all.

I am trying to encourage you to stop trying to be somebody you are not and become the best REAL YOU you can be.

BE ALL YOU CAN BE AND NONE OF WHAT YOU CAN'T.

AND THE POINT IS ???

I wrote a book about respecting yourself. Most of you have it. It's the book that is sitting under the broken couch leg - to level it out. Or you gave it as a Christmas present to your sanitary engineer. Maybe, as in my case, the termites got it. (Yes, this is true. Would I lie to you? And it was very fortunate that the invading army found the box of books rather than my walls!)

To sum up my book, I wrote that God has made each of us just as He wants us to be, just as He needs us to be to do His good work in an evil world. Therefore, we need to know the strengths He has placed in us. We also need to know and accept our weaknesses, because they are signposts that alert us to what God does not want us spending our life doing for Him. Lastly, we must recognize our sins and battle them spiritually.

The search for who you are is not like going to the market and picking out what you want. Sorry. But, you can definitely improve the quality of what you've got to work with. Then the YOU you really are gets better and better.

But, if you learn to be the best you can be with the qualities you have, then you should be able to live a very happy and meaningful life.

PERSONALS

SWMWPND (single white male who picks nose in the dark) seeking true-to-herself woman who does not gross out easily. Hey, let's just be ourselves! Send applications to Box 86.

I am a woman, 43, who is finally LETTING THE GOOD STUFF OUT for the first time in my life. Any of you guys out there want to be lucky? Applications will be screened by the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty from Animals).

I gotta tell ya. I AM FINDING MY BETTER SELF. I'm a guy who used to drink, smoke, chew, swear and fish and hunt on protected state land at night. Now I am also sensitive and a good listener. Seeking woman who is without vices. Write to Lots of Luck, P.O. Box 666.

You-Who. . . I'm waiting. When you stop the baloney and let out the real you again (you know - the one I married who disappeared somewhere between Child One and Child Three), come back to your Hot Mama.

JALAPENO PEPPER TUSH SALVE to get you off your butt (short for buttocks, in case you've forgotten the polite and gentile) and into the action where the you you are is desperately needed. Apply only when standing up or lying on belly. (Duh!)

JAIL ESCAPE KIT   Use this to set yourself free of those who want to change you into something you are not or would rather not be. Comes complete with true identification card, Declaration of Freedom certificate, and life-planning license. Some assembly required.

SELF-IDENTITY KINDERGARTEN now enrolling for full-day in the summer. Come and learn how to play nice with yourself.

FIND YOUR DOUBLE.  Then you can legitimately want to be like another. (Of course, he or she might speak in Chinese. Or like peanut butter on his or her anchovies. Tough break, if that happens. We are not liable.)

YOUR OWN MOCASSINS   You've been trying all these years to wear someone else's mocassins, getting lots of sores and calluses. Finally wear your own. Then you can judge yourself only after you have truly walked in your very own mocassins, the ones that fit you. Get to like the person who wears your shoes.

COUNTER-CULTURAL NEW BOOK: How to Appreciate Others Without Wanting to Be Just Like Them  Fish swim against the stream's current to give new birth. Breathe to life the real you by not envying others.

GET TO KNOW YOUR OWN DNA at the Chromosome Clinic. We will take your life savings to help you search ad nauseam for who you really, really are. Examine every little detail. This analysis should be over by the time you're 95. And then you can really start living!

The GET-REAL EXERCISE MACHINE  Accept who you are and run with it.

IN THE NEWS

LOCAL DOG TAKES HONORS AT "GENUINE FOLKS CONTEST"

Contrary, Missouri The County Mental Health Association wrapped up their Mental Health Fair with a contest to find those in our community who are most comfortable just being themselves.

(See elsewhere in this publication for the human winners.)

You guessed it. Elmo and Alberta Zottlebanger were prohibited from being themselves. Community safety required such action. The risk was just too high that these two famous infamous locals would not understand that the real self at least tries to be acceptable to decent society.

And, as you might expect, the Zottlebanger children, being the hellians we so dearly love and avoid, did not win. Instead, the Committee gave the blue ribbon to the Zottlebanger's mutt, an energetic mongrel of unknown heritage named Poo-Poo. They figured that this dog's good-natured greeting of each and every member of the wildly dysfunctional Zottlebanger household must be its genuine nature. Such adoration and devotion could not be faked — not with this family.